A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
Donald A. Metz
Going to bed with a woman never hurt a ballplayer. It's staying up all night looking for them that does you in.
Casey Stengel (1890-1975)
Harley-Davidson makes lousy motorcycles and great Harley-Davidsons. And since they're in the Harley-Davidson business and not the motorcycle business that's exactly what they should be doing.
Phil Schilling, Cycle magazine editor
I don't *like* money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.
Joe Louis (1914-1981)
I looked out my window and saw Kyle Petty's car upside down, then I thought, "One of us is in real trouble."
Davey Allison, on a 150 mph crash
I made a wrong mistake.
Yogi Berra
I regard NASCAR the same way I regard gay porn: I know it exists and I know some guys like it; I just don't want to see it./Z. B. Goode
I think I've made a difference in my phase of the broadcast industry, but I don't think I've impacted on the world in the manner of Franklin Roosevelt.
Howard Cosell, appraising his career
I'm glad we don't have to play in the shade.
Golfer Bobby Jones (1902-1971) on being told that it was 105 degrees in the shade
If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's going to stop them.
Yogi Berra
Zeroth Law of Bridge
If your hand contains a singleton or a void, that is the suit your partner will bid... and bid... and bid...
First Law of Bridge
It's always your partner's fault.
It's like deja vu all over again.
Yogi Berra
Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
Yogi Berra
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein
Joe Theismann
Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.
Joe Garagiola
These are the souls that time men's tries.
Sports Illustrated on official timers at track meets
They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work.
Casey Stengel
Second Law of Bridge
Winners tell funny stories; losers holler "Deal!"
You can observe a lot by just watching.
Yogi Berra
You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.
Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing the Nautilus machine
You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise, they won't